Calm Your Nervous System: Polyvagal Tools for Anxiety
Most of us have been taught to push harder when anxiety hits. We’re told to “just calm down,” challenge the thoughts, or try to think our way out of the spiral. But if you’ve ever tried that, you already know it rarely works for long.
The truth is that anxiety lives in your nervous system. And if we don’t meet the nervous system where it is, nothing really shifts.
In this post I want to introduce you to polyvagal theory in a simple way and share a few tools inspired by Deb Dana that can help you step out of anxiety spirals and back into your body.
What Polyvagal Theory Means in Plain Language
Deb Dana has a way of taking the science and making it human. She helps us understand that our autonomic nervous system is not something running in the background. It shapes how we feel, how we behave, and how we connect.
Here is the basic map:
Ventral vagal is the place of safety and connection. When you are here, you feel grounded, present, and able to think clearly.
Sympathetic activation is fight, flight, anxiety, or agitation.
Dorsal vagal is shutdown. This is where things feel heavy, numb, or disconnected.
Your nervous system is always scanning for safety and danger. It does this automatically, long before your thinking mind gets involved. When it senses something off, it moves you into a protective state. Healing anxiety means giving your system new cues of safety so it does not have to work so hard.
Why Anxiety Spirals Happen
When a small stressor appears, your body may shift into that protective “fight or flight” mode. In that state your mind narrows and anxious thoughts feel urgent and believable. That is when the spiral begins: What if I fail? What if I say the wrong thing? What if something bad happens?
Over time your system can get used to living in this state or it might swing the other way into shutdown.
Interrupting the spiral means helping the nervous system settle enough for you to return to a steadier place. You cannot force this. You guide it gently.
Three Nervous System Tools You Can Try
1. Anchor to your breath
Find your natural breathing rhythm and soften your exhale a little. For example, breathe in for three counts and breathe out for four. Slow, steady exhalation sends a cue of safety to your body.
2. Notice your states
Start paying attention to what your body feels like in different moods. When you are calm, anxious, or shut down, track the sensations. Maybe your chest tightens, your shoulders lift, or your body feels heavy. Naming your state helps you step out of the spiral and into awareness.
3. Use simple touch
Place a hand on your heart, squeeze your shoulders gently, or trace your arms with your palms. These small gestures can help your body feel more settled. They remind your system that it is safe to soften.
Little practices like these add up over time. Small, repeated cues of safety help your system build a new rhythm. You learn how to return to regulation more easily.
Practice Tips
These tools do not erase anxiety instantly. They interrupt the spiral and help you come back to yourself.
Start with one tool once a day.
Notice what shifts. Even tiny changes count.
Use these practices in moments of calm too. That way your nervous system learns by repetition.
How This Fits Into Therapy
In therapy at Wild Path, we take these ideas deeper. We map out your unique nervous system patterns, weave these tools into your daily habits, and explore how they play out in your relationships and inner world.
If you are tired of anxiety running your life, let’s talk. You do not have to fight your nervous system. You can learn to work with it gently and wisely, and that changes everything.